Religion, Relationship, and Being Spiritual: A Reflection

By Abbot Bishop Brian Ernest Brown, CWC

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard someone say, “I’m not religious. I’m spiritual.” Every time, a little voice in the back of my mind whispers, I’m not sure you know what you mean by that. And I don’t say that with judgment or superiority, far from it. I say it because I’ve wrestled with those same words myself. I’ve tried them on, stretched them out, and held them up to the light, wondering what they’re really made of.

We live in an age where people use religion, relationship, and spirituality almost interchangeably, or at least as if they’re somehow in conflict with one another, like siblings fighting over the same inheritance. But the more I’ve walked this strange and beautiful pilgrimage with Christ, the more I’ve realized that these words, these realities aren’t rivals at all. They’re kin, each incomplete without the others.

People sometimes say religion is bad, relationship is good, and spirituality is the vague cloud of feelings you keep around “just in case.” But the roots of these words reveal a different story, a more ancient and honest one.

The word religion comes from the Latin religare, “to bind again,” “to reconnect.” It’s about weaving ourselves back into the sacred fabric from which we’ve torn away. It’s about being stitched back together with God and with one another.The word relationship comes from relatio, “a bringing back.” It’s the same movement, the same holy returning. Relationship with God isn’t something separate from religion. It is religion, at least in its truest, oldest sense. If you don’t have one, you don’t have the other. You can be ritualistic without being connected, yes. You can say the prayers and never let the prayers say anything back to you. But that’s not religion. That’s performance.

And then there’s that slippery word: spiritual. Today it often means, “I like the idea of God, but I don’t want the responsibility of belonging to anything.” Or, “I’m open to mystery, but don’t ask anything more of me than that.” But real spirituality isn’t an escape; it’s an opening. It’s the oxygen in the lungs of faith.Without spirituality, religion becomes rigid. Without religion, spirituality becomes rootless. Without relationship, both become hollow.

Over the years, I’ve come to believe that all three: religion, relationship, spirituality are meant to dance together. Not as competing truths but as companions on the same sacred journey. Religion grounds me. Relationship with Christ guides me. Spirituality breathes life into both.

Together they make something larger than themselves, something deeper, more human, more divine. They create a life that is connected, brought back, and continually opened to God’s mysterious grace.

I don’t need to choose between them. I don’t want to. Because the truth is, when they come together, they bind me again, not in chains, but in belonging. They bring me back, not in shame, but in love. They make me spiritual, not by my own invention, but by the breath of the living Christ whispering, Follow me.

And that, as best as I can tell, is what faith is supposed to be.

Pax Christi,